WMD (not temp)

[thop]

I think last time i bought it in REAL, it was TULIP Spam. I know there is REAL in Poland too, maybe you should check? But don't be angry if you don't find any
It's a triangle shaped can (with rounded corners).

[Nowhere]

Hmmm...nearest REAL 70 km away...but I rarely visit this area...would have to drive specially for Spam
You probably think right now that I'm mad. When most people here hate spam, I'm looking for it

[ZokesPro]

Originally posted by Nowhere
Hmmm...nearest REAL 70 km away...but I rarely visit this area...would have to drive specially for Spam
You probably think right now that I'm mad. When most people here hate spam, I'm looking for it

I haven't tried it yet, but when I do, I'll make a website about my first spam experience and I'll post before and after pictures. (hopefully none of them will be me getting my stomach pumped at the hospital)

[Brian Ellis]

I first met Spam during the '39-45 war. I thought it was yuck then, and I still do. High cholesterol into the bargain, i would think.

But I thought Spam went out of being several years ago (except for e-mailing, but that's another story).

Idea, as this is in a thread on WMDs: how about sending zillions of unlabelled cans of spam to Iraq for free distribution to the population? As they are not used to fatty, greasy pork products, it may keep them occupied so that the place would become safer??? THAT would be a good weapon!

[Kruzin]

spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, and spam!

Nasty stuff. Makes hot dogs look appealing. The pig eyes, ears, snout, and ****oles they use in hotdogs are prime meat compared to the entrails they use in spam =P

[Sethos]

ok, along the same lines as the math instruction:

There was once a man who got a clone of another guy, because at the time, it was the "in" thing to do. The one problem was that every other word out of the clone's mouth was a cuss word. after a few months the man just couldn't take it any more, so he brought his clone up to a mountian top. Getting the clone to the edge the man pushed him over the edge.

As it so happens there was a police man near by who saw the whole thing, and upon arriving on the secene he told the man that he was being arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

Lame I know, but then again that was from the huge clone phaze a couple of years ago right after dolly...

~Sethos

[Brian Ellis]

Reminds me of the shaggy dog story:

A guy goes into a pet shop and sees a most unusual and beautiful bird. He asked what it was and was told that it was a pure Golden Macaw, a rare species from Venezuela and that it was an excellent talker with a wide vocabulary. He went up to the bird and said, "What's your name?".

The bird replied, "I'm called Rary and I'm a Golden Macaw, What's your name?".

"Jim." Intrigued by this wonder bird that could actually hold a conversation, he bought it for £5,000. When he got home, he set to to build it an aviary in the living room, while the bird, on a perch was giving him instructions how exactly to do it. This amazed him.

That evening, at the pub, he started boasting about this wonder bird. All the blokes there thought he was pulling their legs, so he took them home to see the bird, which, on seeing a dozen blokes in various stages of drunkenness, cried out, "Jim says you are all an idle set of drunken bastards, f***ing good-for nothings." Although the description was probably true, they didn't like it and they thrashed half the living daylights out of Jim. Sore and bleeding, he retired to bed to the sound of "Rary is funny".

A few days later, he picked up a beautiful young lady and managed to persuade her in for a "coffee". The bird saw her and wolf-whisted, followed by, "Jim going to have another good f*** tonight!". He was rewarded by a good slap as she stormed out the door to the sound of "Rary is funny".

Jim decided that he had to be a bit more discreet with both his feathered bird and his unfeathered birds, so he installed a black curtain he could draw across the aviary. That evening he chatted up another stunning girl and took her home. Silence from the aviary. Good, he thought. After plying her with a couple of drinks, he started to get more serious on the sofa. He soon had her bra off and things were going well until he started to get her knickers off when a voice rang out from behind the curtain, "Get stuck in there, mate. Push that poxy old thing of your's right up to the old hag's mouth!". Of course, this unromantic discourse broke off all hopes and she left, gathering her clothes up, to the sound of "Rary is funny".

He decided to see whether the vet could help resolve his sexual frustration and took the bird to see him. Te vet said that the reason the Golden Macaw was so rare a species was that it is very delicate species and could not support medication. There was no way to tranquilise them and he refused to put a magnificent specimen of an endangered species to sleep, while it was healthy. As they left the vet's surgery, the bird cried out, "Thanks, Doc. Rary is funny!".

Jim then went to the zoo, to see whether they would take him off his hands. The bird took one look at the guy in charge of the aviaries and said, "There's no way your going to leave me in charge of that old ugly Nazi bastard." Ast they left the zoo, the air rang out with "Rary is funny".

Desperate, Jim decided that the only thing to do was to abandon the bird, so he motored down from Manchester to Dover with it, thinking that, as the bird was tropical, it would stand a better chance flying over to France and down to the Med and into Africa. He drove onto the top of the White Cliffs, took the bird out of his cage, showed it the French coast line and told it to fly south. With that, he threw the bird into the sky. It flapped its wings and started to fly southwards when Jim heard....








"It's a long way to tip a Rary"


Ugh!

[Chrono_Wanderer]

I thought this thread is about a teacher getting arrested for bringing graphing calculators...

all of a sudden people are spamming this thread?

evil all of you, try to get post counts up...



as for me:

I am ok with spam. eat spam every few months when no time to cook. its very unhealthy tho... so much oil and stuff...

yuk!

[az]

There once was this guy who worked for the Railroad as a conductor. Let's say his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking through the train, en route, collecting tickets from the passengers. He comes to car 12, booth 3. In it was a man.

So, he asked him for his ticket: "Excuse me sir, do have your ticket?"

"Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out the window by accident," he replied.

"Sorry sir, can't have any passengers without tickets." He grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him out of the train. Well, he landed on the tracks and was run over by the train. Naturally, the conductor was arrested and thrown in jail. He was convicted of murder before a jury of his peers, and sentenced to death by electrocution.

The day of his execution came up, and he was asked what he would like for his last meal. He asks for a banana. They gave it to him, he ate it, received his last rites, and was escorted to the chair. The executioner strapped him in, hooked everything up. Last, he threw the big switch once, and nothing happened. So, he did it again, and nothing happened. Well, by law the guy was legally dead, so they had to release him.

Oddly enough, the guy got a job on another railroad, as a conductor! One day, he was gathering tickets, and came to a booth with a little boy.

"Young man, do you have your ticket?", asked the conductor.

"A-a-a, I'm sorry, I ate it by mistake..", said the little boy.

And.. the same thing happened -- the boy was thrown off the train and killed. The guy was arrested, sentenced to death by electrocution. It came to him last day. The death row guard asked him what he would like for his meal. He asked for banana again. He ate it, and a priest gave him last rites.

He was escorted to the death chamber. This time, though, they were smart.

They washed his hands to get rid of any banana slime, they washed up the chair. Next, they placed him the chair, and hooked him up. The switch-puller pulled the switch once, and nothing happened. The switch-puller pulled the switch twice, and nothing happened, not even a single hair raising on the guy's chest.

Well, as the law says, they had to let him go...

Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet another railroad.

This time it was a rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was arrested, convicted, sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the guard asked him what he would like for a last meal, he asked for a banana. He ate it, received last rites, and was escorted to the chamber.

However, this time the officials where going to get it right! They scrubbed his body with a brillo pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel wool. They tried the chair on a few other prisoners...

Okay, they strapped him in, and threw the switch once, nothing happened. Threw the switch a second time, nothing happened. At this point the guy was legally dead, etc, etc.

But, before the guy could leave, the executioner, extremely frustrated (he'd seen this same guy three times already). asked, "What is it with the banana!"

The guy replied, "I just like bananas."

So, the executioner screamed, "THEN HOW COME YOU DON'T DIE!!!!!"

"I dunno," replied the guy, "I guess I'm just not a very good conductor."

AZ

[Marshmallowman]

[SitFlyer]

The complete Monty Python Spam Skit in MP3 format, 2.26MB download here
Script with a couple pics & a link to the cooking SPAM