Getting older..

[SpiralDragon]

i grew up srounded by grown ups... i had an abusive father.. and war was the norme that i was born in to.. the oldest memory i remeber is waking up one morning at the sound of tanks and military vihicals passing by... i remeber then calling out for my mom... and i remeber clearly thinking how did i do that? no one came to me... that is the moment that i became aware. i think i was around 1year old.. give or take some month...

i was not alowed to play with other children.. especialy not out of house... i was the only person under 18 in my entier family for 7 years.. so i grew up talking like a grown up.. .thinking like a grownup.. but i was a child.... at school i was freindlier with the older kids and especialy with the teachers rather than those of my class... several teachers including the head master treated me with equality rather than as a student... i have however had my times of black out... times that i dont remeber at all.. times of pasiveness... times that where wasted... at uni the teachers could not keep up with me... i had more experiance at age 18 than most of my proffesors in my fieled.. many of them hated me for it... i am not making this up because i am vain.. this is the testemony of the curent chairwoman of my com arts dep. and of that of one of my profesors.. i paid my way through uni... cause my father left us with nothing but the house we live in... and thats beacuse i forced him in to this situation... the day he left i had all the locks changed... and i got his siblings to signe over the house to me and my sis...

its been a wild ride ever since... and every year i look back and think why did i do that?... but the point is its done and its time to move on and learn from those mistakes... its importent to know your mistakes... do not regret or dwell apon them... but learn from them so as the may not happen again...

i have caried too mutch responsibility and i feel old.. but i have always been mature.. yet i am a dreamer... i am an idealist.. but i know the difrence between what is real and what is not...

atm i am going through a dubel crisis.. one that i should have solved 2 years ago,,, maybe even three years ago.. but i kept postponing... now i have to find a solution to two problems.. and the solution has to be one that is good and that will not harm me or someone else and that will also benefit all parties concerned and breing peace of mind...

the shift is made.. can you feel it?

[VJ]

I have a feeling I've reached that 'Aah, I'm finally grown up' mark a number of times...
Weird though: I don't remember much from my childhood years (probabely because I didn't like being a child).
At university, it became clear to me that I was too serious about everything. (During my first year, I didn't even go to the cinema ) Luckily, I met a great group of friends, and while we can be serious we it is required, we can act like children when possible.

Basically, there is a line in a song by Seal: "But we are never going to survive, unless we get a little crazy" (the song is 'Crazy'). And this really says it all, I think it is a great motto to live by.
At university, it hit me that I never did anything 'wild' or out of the ordinary, mostly fearing that people would find it silly or childish. Now, I just don't care: if there is something that I feel I might like doing, I just go for it. (there is only one way to find out if it is fun or not )

So is this maturing? I don't know...



Jörg

[The Rock]

My favorite old saying, and totally applicable to many of us:

"Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."

[windigo]

i first felt that feeling when i remembered being very young when i was 14 when i shot and cleaned my first deer seeing the last moments of another living being reallly had an impact and now i laugh the same way my father and uncles did when i see a young person crying when they get their first kill not because its funny but because i realize now the time of being a child and having no cares comes to an end and certain things must be done to survive either for your family or for someone else who is too old/poor to hunt or buy food for themselves makes me think of other things i didnt learn of until i moved into "town".