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Ok, so it's not a new baby or a death in the family or anything, but...
Anyone who's going to just read this and get pissed off or tell me to man up can just skip the rest, ok? I'm venting. It's cathartic, therapeutic, etc.
As some of you know, Julie's commute has been just ridiculous. She commutes an hour and 45 minutes door to door each way, Monday-Friday. Most days this means she's up at 5, out the door to get on the 6am train, and not home until 5:15. One day a week she has to go in early and/or stay late or both. On those days she gets up at 4am and doesn't get home until 7pm or later.
In the meantime, I've been working. But I got sick again in July. My tinnitus, which had been under control for a long time (I'd learned to live with and/or ignore it) really ramped up. Got dizzy, couldn't sleep from vertigo. Tired all the time. Headaches and earaches every day. At first felt like a cold/flu, then leveled out. Doctor said ear infection. Time for amoxycillin. Fine. Oh, and here's something to help you sleep. Ok.
Took the FULL ten days but started to feel better. Great. Weaned off the sleeping meds. 3 weeks later... back again. Ugh. Doctor says "hmm maybe we missed something, ears look pissed off but not infected hmm". Augmentin this time, plus referral to an ENT.
Audiologist says my hearing is perfectly normal, but both her and the ENT agree my tubes aren't working 100%. So the tinnitus has come and gone, still relying on the sleep aids sometimes, and pressure seems to affect it. Up and down stairs, even a few floors is fine, but get on a plane or take lots of elevators, drive far enough that the elevation changes, and my ears ache and ring like crazy. At the top of the mountain visiting my in-laws they're nonstop. Ugh. The ENT recommended ventilation tubes. Keep from getting 'em wet, shouldn't affect your hearing, see if you like 'em, blah blah.
So I have to give them a few days but so far they seem like a POOR idea in retrospect. My hearing is COMPLETELY whacked, and although I no longer feel pressure and pain inside my ears, the eardrums are still pretty pissed off. Fine, WORST case scenario they grow out in a few months. Whatever.
IN THE MEANTIME...
We headed to Chicago a couple weeks ago. Literally, 14 days ago we were in Chicago eating shitty Mexican and seeing the sights.
WHILE WE WERE IN CHICAGO, my stepmother-in-law calls us and says "want to move closer to the city?"
Turns out her childhood best friend's college roommate's mom finally moved into assisted living, and the house has been empty for months and they REALLY want to rent it out and she's only in town for 3 days and can we meet with her because she wants to rent to us, we're practically family (ha!) and... oh the rent is cheaper than what you have now. But can you move in November 1?
We'd be FOOLS not to do it, even though it's going to be a GIGANTIC amount of work getting moved WHILE WORKING in the space of 4 weeks.
But they hadn't tested for lead. Home was built in 1962-1963, so it might have it yeah? CRAP.
SO I rushed up there on Friday after work and did the "Home Depot Special" lead test.
...and...
Clean! WHEW!
So daycare is more, house is slightly smaller, BUT much newer and central air and a new furnace and a one-car garage and one block from a nice park and 20 minutes from Julie's job. That would be, for those of you not following the story thus far, nearly THREE HOURS of her life reclaimed every day! Rent will be lower enough than what we pay now (although we're still bouncing it around with the landlord) to cover the difference in daycare. Logan's school is better (class size 10-12 instead of 25+), and has an afterschool program for the same price we're paying for simple babysitting now.
The utilities will be lower, the place will be more convenient to everything, so the downsides are livable.
But WHAT a time to try to move.
I struggle to get through the day sometimes, between the ringing in my head, headaches, being completely distracted and having no motivation. Not to mention not getting a good night's sleep most of the time, and just general emotional "blah"-ness (I hate to use the term "depression").
So time soldiers on. In the meantime, my boss wants to hire me out to a prestigious local university's business school which happens to be in Cambridge, about a mile from where Julie works. Wow, how cool! Except... that... the only way we make things work NOW is that I have flexible hours because she's out of house 13-14+ hours a day. So I had to tell my boss I just CANNOT be out of house 13-14+ hours a day for the next 8-10 weeks. Once we move, I'll be 20 minutes away and then sure I can work 9-5 in Cambridge. No sweat.
AND did I mention I'm being sued by multiple collection agencies? Yeah, somehow all my old debts are coming back in lawsuit form, because SOMEONE figured out I had a job. Nevermind that half of them were already settled, they don't care. I'm fending them off, but THAT takes time and concentration I don't have, too!
It's just too much to juggle at once. Everything is insane, and I'm ridiculously stressed. I try to keep myself distracted, because any downtime just ... I can't do downtime right now. I work (for work) and work (for us) and do family stuff and then force myself to play and "relax" but it's all active relaxing because the nap I desperately need won't come. All my usual anti-insomnia tricks are failing me, I just picked up some time-release melatonin but much like the prescription stuff that's only for at night.
In the meantime, my novel isn't getting written (don't laugh), my guitar sits lonely and unloved but Guitar Hero cannot stand before my near-manic approach to every day.
It's terrible when you SEE that you're not being healthy but can't figure out how to stop doing it.
HOWEVER, there are positives.
- We'll be in a great new place by November 1.
- We'll be saving more money.
- I have lost 20lbs. and NOT just to worry and mania. I've been eating better and exercising regularly. Before I started feeling really lousy (so back in June and early July now) I was exercising every day. Now I'm down to 2-3 days a week, which makes me feel lazy but is better than nothing! Actually starting to see results on the muscles and gut.
Anyway, that's where my life is at. If I am not posting much over the next month, or if I'm posting a LOT due to a form of escapism, you'll all know why. And yeah, you're all "strangers" and I'm spilling far too much here, right? Whatever. Everyone's lives are available to hackers and anyone with enough money already. Might as well narrate mine myself.
Peace.
Anyone who's going to just read this and get pissed off or tell me to man up can just skip the rest, ok? I'm venting. It's cathartic, therapeutic, etc.
As some of you know, Julie's commute has been just ridiculous. She commutes an hour and 45 minutes door to door each way, Monday-Friday. Most days this means she's up at 5, out the door to get on the 6am train, and not home until 5:15. One day a week she has to go in early and/or stay late or both. On those days she gets up at 4am and doesn't get home until 7pm or later.
In the meantime, I've been working. But I got sick again in July. My tinnitus, which had been under control for a long time (I'd learned to live with and/or ignore it) really ramped up. Got dizzy, couldn't sleep from vertigo. Tired all the time. Headaches and earaches every day. At first felt like a cold/flu, then leveled out. Doctor said ear infection. Time for amoxycillin. Fine. Oh, and here's something to help you sleep. Ok.
Took the FULL ten days but started to feel better. Great. Weaned off the sleeping meds. 3 weeks later... back again. Ugh. Doctor says "hmm maybe we missed something, ears look pissed off but not infected hmm". Augmentin this time, plus referral to an ENT.
Audiologist says my hearing is perfectly normal, but both her and the ENT agree my tubes aren't working 100%. So the tinnitus has come and gone, still relying on the sleep aids sometimes, and pressure seems to affect it. Up and down stairs, even a few floors is fine, but get on a plane or take lots of elevators, drive far enough that the elevation changes, and my ears ache and ring like crazy. At the top of the mountain visiting my in-laws they're nonstop. Ugh. The ENT recommended ventilation tubes. Keep from getting 'em wet, shouldn't affect your hearing, see if you like 'em, blah blah.
So I have to give them a few days but so far they seem like a POOR idea in retrospect. My hearing is COMPLETELY whacked, and although I no longer feel pressure and pain inside my ears, the eardrums are still pretty pissed off. Fine, WORST case scenario they grow out in a few months. Whatever.
IN THE MEANTIME...
We headed to Chicago a couple weeks ago. Literally, 14 days ago we were in Chicago eating shitty Mexican and seeing the sights.
WHILE WE WERE IN CHICAGO, my stepmother-in-law calls us and says "want to move closer to the city?"
Turns out her childhood best friend's college roommate's mom finally moved into assisted living, and the house has been empty for months and they REALLY want to rent it out and she's only in town for 3 days and can we meet with her because she wants to rent to us, we're practically family (ha!) and... oh the rent is cheaper than what you have now. But can you move in November 1?
We'd be FOOLS not to do it, even though it's going to be a GIGANTIC amount of work getting moved WHILE WORKING in the space of 4 weeks.
But they hadn't tested for lead. Home was built in 1962-1963, so it might have it yeah? CRAP.
SO I rushed up there on Friday after work and did the "Home Depot Special" lead test.
...and...
Clean! WHEW!
So daycare is more, house is slightly smaller, BUT much newer and central air and a new furnace and a one-car garage and one block from a nice park and 20 minutes from Julie's job. That would be, for those of you not following the story thus far, nearly THREE HOURS of her life reclaimed every day! Rent will be lower enough than what we pay now (although we're still bouncing it around with the landlord) to cover the difference in daycare. Logan's school is better (class size 10-12 instead of 25+), and has an afterschool program for the same price we're paying for simple babysitting now.
The utilities will be lower, the place will be more convenient to everything, so the downsides are livable.
But WHAT a time to try to move.
I struggle to get through the day sometimes, between the ringing in my head, headaches, being completely distracted and having no motivation. Not to mention not getting a good night's sleep most of the time, and just general emotional "blah"-ness (I hate to use the term "depression").
So time soldiers on. In the meantime, my boss wants to hire me out to a prestigious local university's business school which happens to be in Cambridge, about a mile from where Julie works. Wow, how cool! Except... that... the only way we make things work NOW is that I have flexible hours because she's out of house 13-14+ hours a day. So I had to tell my boss I just CANNOT be out of house 13-14+ hours a day for the next 8-10 weeks. Once we move, I'll be 20 minutes away and then sure I can work 9-5 in Cambridge. No sweat.
AND did I mention I'm being sued by multiple collection agencies? Yeah, somehow all my old debts are coming back in lawsuit form, because SOMEONE figured out I had a job. Nevermind that half of them were already settled, they don't care. I'm fending them off, but THAT takes time and concentration I don't have, too!
It's just too much to juggle at once. Everything is insane, and I'm ridiculously stressed. I try to keep myself distracted, because any downtime just ... I can't do downtime right now. I work (for work) and work (for us) and do family stuff and then force myself to play and "relax" but it's all active relaxing because the nap I desperately need won't come. All my usual anti-insomnia tricks are failing me, I just picked up some time-release melatonin but much like the prescription stuff that's only for at night.
In the meantime, my novel isn't getting written (don't laugh), my guitar sits lonely and unloved but Guitar Hero cannot stand before my near-manic approach to every day.
It's terrible when you SEE that you're not being healthy but can't figure out how to stop doing it.
HOWEVER, there are positives.
- We'll be in a great new place by November 1.
- We'll be saving more money.
- I have lost 20lbs. and NOT just to worry and mania. I've been eating better and exercising regularly. Before I started feeling really lousy (so back in June and early July now) I was exercising every day. Now I'm down to 2-3 days a week, which makes me feel lazy but is better than nothing! Actually starting to see results on the muscles and gut.
Anyway, that's where my life is at. If I am not posting much over the next month, or if I'm posting a LOT due to a form of escapism, you'll all know why. And yeah, you're all "strangers" and I'm spilling far too much here, right? Whatever. Everyone's lives are available to hackers and anyone with enough money already. Might as well narrate mine myself.
Peace.
(got one in the bag last wednesday)
Fractal Design Arc Mini R2, 3800X, Asus B450M-PRO mATX, 2x8GB B-die@3800C16, AMD Vega64, Seasonic 850W Gold, Black Ice Nemesis/Laing DDC/EKWB 240 Loop (VRM>CPU>GPU), Noctua Fans.
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