My insane life right now...

[degrub]

Yep. Done it with all three of my kids. And continue with the teenager
Worst week of our life was both having the flu, and the two kids - 18 mo and 3 - feeling just fine and dandy making a wreck of the house while we were trying to just raise our heads off the floor Everyone gets a flu shot since then !
Keep swimming, it gets better.

[Gurm]

So my fate continues to hang in the balance, the "interview" for the thing in the city I have no desire to do... has been moved, theoretically, to tomorrow. It was supposed to be yesterday. So now I have no idea what's up.

In the meantime, the ventilating tubes the doctor put in my ears... I don't like 'em. They make my hearing all woogly, and reduce the volume of everything in my world. Now, while I always thought the world was a bit too loud and don't mind the volume down in principle, that also means less ambient noise to mask the ringing. *sigh*

And, all this stress has had its inevitable predictable pseudo-physical effect on me, which is that once Julie gets out of bed in the morning I can't go back to sleep. I just drift and can never really get comfortable and then jerk awake, mind racing. So I'm getting about 6 hours a night. Not enough for my needs right now, but at least it's a fairly solid 6 hours.

Additionally, I think I might have a mild case of epididymitis or something similar. Night before last Jacob squirmed just right in my lap and I went "ow" and the left side got all tender. It's not so tender now, just ... not entirely happy. And laying in bed every time I change position I have a mild gut ache that passes in a minute.

The problem is, I hate to go see the doctor for something transient (or completely psychosomatic), ESPECIALLY with the crap I've been getting lately - you should have seen my boss's reaction yesterday when I said I was working from home because I had to go see the ENT and make sure I hadn't ****ed up my eardrum or something... he was getting pretty upset until I reminded him that NEXT week I have no leeway REMEMBER?

Ugh, I wish stress didn't translate itself to me in such a completely predictable physical way. I feel like crap for no good reason.

[Gurm]

On the plus side, we're 99.99% nailed down on the new place, although the rent came through a little higher than we would have liked (they had second thoughts about renting a whole house that close to the city for so little, in all fairness they are still asking a good price just not a GREAT price any more, still in our budget but not as sweet a deal now).

So we're definitely moving unless something catastrophic happens, but ... *sigh*

[Evildead666]

Well,

Shit happens.
When its happened, the only course of action is repairing.
Remember, no looking back. No regrets.
Shit just happens, and we have to deal with it as best we can.

[Gurm]

Well, I have talked to a lot of people, the one person I really need to have a heart-to-heart with is Julie. But I think my former boss - who used to work for the guys employing me, that's how I met him - summed it up best not 15 minutes ago.

He said that I am stressed out and worried sick not because my situation is actually hopeless or untenable, but because of LOSS OF CONTROL. That I feel like no matter what I do I'm screwed.

Do I do what the bosses want, work the unworkable position, and just take it - forcing Julie to sacrifice more than she already does in order to make it happen? In which case we're screwed personally.

Do I tell them to stuff it? In which case boy I need a job in just a couple weeks... which he also said I shouldn't have a hard time accomplishing, with my skillset and experience level - and his freely volunteered "glowing" recommendation. And this from a guy who has been a senior-level manager at IBM and Grid over the course of his career, nevermind a few other notable places!

But it does no good to be passive-aggressive. I need to seize the bull by the horns, right? Trouble with that is I wake up every day feeling like I can't grab jack or his friend s**t, and go to bed feeling not any better. Each day is a struggle, and it's hard to be decisive and proactive when you're stuck like that.

On the other hand, there would be WORSE things than giving notice, spending the rest of October interviewing, and starting somewhere new at the beginning of November. Someplace that's a decent commute and either has flexible hours or very regular ones. I'm pretty tired of working 50, 60, or more hours to get the flexibility I need.

Anyway, wish me luck. I think my course of action has to be that I stick up for myself at work, but selling that to my wife will be tough.

[Helevitia]

He said that I am stressed out and worried sick not because my situation is actually hopeless or untenable, but because of LOSS OF CONTROL. That I feel like no matter what I do I'm screwed.

It's hard to feel like you are losing control of anything. Funny thing is, control is an illusion anyway When I am in a situation like that, I try my best to accept the situation for what it is. That the outcome is really out of my hands and that I need to just do the best I can with what I got.

Do I do what the bosses want, work the unworkable position, and just take it - forcing Julie to sacrifice more than she already does in order to make it happen? In which case we're screwed personally.

Sounds like you gave your self the best advice already, talk to Julie. Just be honest about what you think and then see what she has to say. Her answers may surprise you.

Do I tell them to stuff it? In which case boy I need a job in just a couple weeks... which he also said I shouldn't have a hard time accomplishing, with my skillset and experience level - and his freely volunteered "glowing" recommendation. And this from a guy who has been a senior-level manager at IBM and Grid over the course of his career, nevermind a few other notable places!

It is always a bad idea to make decisions when you are angry. This sounds like one of them. A lot of the times, there is another option you may not have considered yet. Even if there isn't, it's ok to try out what you have. If something doesn't work, chalk it up as lessen learned and try again.

But it does no good to be passive-aggressive. I need to seize the bull by the horns, right? Trouble with that is I wake up every day feeling like I can't grab jack or his friend s**t, and go to bed feeling not any better. Each day is a struggle, and it's hard to be decisive and proactive when you're stuck like that.

Being passive aggressive is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die Maybe you need to take a look at your priorities? What is more important, your health? your job? your family? For me, I am more important than anything else, so I try to take care of myself first., family second, everything else after that. With my health problems, I have spent many years trying to be brave and not take medicine, trying to "control" my situation, letting fear run me. In the last few years, I realized I was doing it all wrong. Now I take care of my health first and everything else comes after that. If you aren't healthy, or at least stabilizing your health, then everything else is that much worse. I am talking about mental AND physical health, btw.

On the other hand, there would be WORSE things than giving notice, spending the rest of October interviewing, and starting somewhere new at the beginning of November. Someplace that's a decent commute and either has flexible hours or very regular ones. I'm pretty tired of working 50, 60, or more hours to get the flexibility I need.

Sounds like you are on the right track Balance is the key to harmony

Anyway, wish me luck. I think my course of action has to be that I stick up for myself at work, but selling that to my wife will be tough.

I truly wish you the best.

[Gurm]

Julie is totally unthrilled with the idea of me quitting, but totally supports me not being taken advantage of and understands that there's no way I can do this their way.

They can't really afford to fire me, or downsize me, or whatnot. I would prefer to keep working, at least until I find something better, but I understand if they decide to "let me go" because I won't/can't do this for them. I am hoping to avoid being "fired", however.

I'm actually talking tonight with my professional mentor, the guy who has guided me through a lot of my recent professional career development, he has already helped me a lot this afternoon, and is willing to drop by after Jacob goes to bed to talk to me AND Julie... which is awesome of him.

My biggest concern is that I really don't want things back the way they were before I went to work - two kids at home, me not coping and depressed all the time, Julie really disliking me for it... the odds of that are slim, of course, but it is a concern nonetheless.

[Gurm]

The aforementioned previous manager sat in my dining room and told me that I should just call up and tell the boss I can't do it... so I did.

He said he'd work it out, and then... hung up on me. *ahem*

I will keep you all informed.

In other news, we nailed down the rent, we're pretty much 100% locked in for the new place. Just have to GET MOVED. Part of the reason I made this decision tonight.

It may seem odd to those of you familiar with my online persona, but I _HATE_ confrontation. Hate it. Making this phone call? My hands were literally shaking. But I do feel better now.

[Claymonkey]

Props to you Gurm!! If everyone is wondering this IS the way its going down where we work and he's been nothing but professional about this during it all.

[Tjalfe]

I hope it all works out. If it did not take a 15 hour drive, I would gladly come help you move

[RhinoZ]

That frown should be a happy face. Like this
That was alot to do and have resting on your shoulders, you did good. Now enjoy the decision and be better for it, because that's why you made it.

[Mehen]

That frown should be a happy face. Like this

The act of smiling isn't just a one way street - it's not just when you are happy, you smile. The actual act of smiling activates the "happiness" neurons in your brain. So

[Helevitia]

Right on man, you stuck up for yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back

[Evildead666]

Well done. Some things just have to be done.

You're boss is probably thinking "oh shit, what do I do now...?"
The ball is in his park.

The lion wanted courage, but you definately already have yours

[Gurm]

Well done. Some things just have to be done.

You're boss is probably thinking "oh shit, what do I do now...?"
The ball is in his park.

The lion wanted courage, but you definately already have yours

I have a good support system, and people I can trust. Even Julie was totally on board with this idea by the time it happened. She and my ex-boss sat calmly discussing the ins and outs of dealing with the MBTA (his son just started in the city and will soon be sick of the commute but for now he's all excited) while I called.

I slept ... ok. Thank GOD for Ambien!

I still didn't sleep after Julie left. That's pretty much my trademark symptom - if I'm stressed or have been "unwell" for a while, I stop being able to sleep past like 5AM.