Best father's day combo gift ever (imo)

[VJ]

Funny how I started this thread as an RC thread and it ended up with guns. LOL

Just be happy Rule 34 did not kick in ...

[VJ]

A bit reviving this thread...

My inlaws are recently retired, but they clearly do not know how to spend free time: my father-in-law just sits in front of TV, watching stupidities or flicking channels, my mother-in-law just gives herself more cleaning work. But they are still quite young - too young to be so passive. We are trying to find ways to activate them, but nothing seems to work. He has an interest in cars (these car restoration shows on tv are one of the more interesting thing he watches), but is not so good with fine skills (always wants to solve things by force rather than first thinking) and not very careful. We try to take them for some weekends somewhere, and then they seem to enjoy it, but they don't do such things by themselves. They don't go for walks (ok, they have a garden, but they rarely sit in it), visit places nor engage in other activities... It just seems sad... and they tend to work on each others nerves when they spend time like that.

Everything that seems to require a bit more effort (e.g. language lessons for English, which we suggested, so they can communicate with my parents) are "too difficult" and "they are too old". So we try to show them some places (nearby cities, ...), in the hope they may decide to do such things on their own, but so far no luck - if anything they are more expecting us to organise things for them.

Any ideas on how to try to engage them or give them something to do?

[Umfriend]

I'm starting a league of legends team for 50+. Requirement is u suck at the game, about as much as I do bit like the company and have fun. Games? Chess? What hobbies, if any, did they have when young?

[VJ]

I'm starting a league of legends team for 50+. Requirement is u suck at the game, about as much as I do bit like the company and have fun. Games? Chess? What hobbies, if any, did they have when young?

They had their own business which was open 7 days a week... No real hobbies a such (a bit working in the garden, but that also has its limits).
On holiday, they play cardgames with other people, but it seems they do not have people to meet with at home (they travelled a couple of times to sit by the pool, which they liked and they loved snorkelling in Egypt - not something to do in Poland). Of course, their retirement coincided with covid restrictions, and now the global financial uncertainty scares them (rising energy prices, ...).

But back to local time-spending: they think they do not have time to do things because when they have to do one thing (simple shopping), they act like it blocks the entire day. Even when we manage to take them somewhere, afterwards they act like they "have to catch up" with things they did not do (but in reality there is nothing to catch up with). So we are trying to show them that they can fit simple activities in their agenda, but it is hard when they don't seem to see the point.

[Umfriend]

How about volunteering at some local activity? You know, homeless care things, foodbanks, giving some sort of courses to kids outside of school hours.

Edit: What kind of shop did they have?
Edit 2: For instance, a guy at my chess club quit his job years ago (well, sorta fired) and reinvented himself through his passion. He now teaches chess at most schools in the city to 6-12yo, makes a bit of money and loves what he does.

[VJ]

How about volunteering at some local activity? You know, homeless care things, foodbanks, giving some sort of courses to kids outside of school hours.

Good ideas... Howevery, they live somewhat remote (villa in old residential suburb)... But moreso many of those things are not as straight forward here due to weird regulations (they tried to help e.g. with taking care of children, but were disqualified because their toilet is not separated from the bathroom), several such things made them less interested as you need to make a huge effort (administratively, ...) just to do something. It sounds worse that I mean it to, but I'm not sure what they could teach... Her mother does not see well and thinks that children should have fun and be playing, her father is an engineer, but hasn't worked as one for nearly 40 years and has some health issues that impacts his focus.

[Umfriend]

Former engineer: Assist kids with math and physics outside school hours but in the school so there is some sort of supervision (and the school can deal with administration and regulation)?

[VJ]

Former engineer: Assist kids with math and physics outside school hours but in the school so there is some sort of supervision (and the school can deal with administration and regulation)?

He has some health issues that impact his focus somewhat (difficult to explain, but it is the consequence of several micro-strokes). We don't see him teaching at any level because of that.

We gave them a set to make cider, as they have a lot of apples - and we are fed up with apple-pie. While they were a bit reluctant at first, they seem to be a bit more interested in it. Several errors caused the first attempt to fail, but now they are trying again. Not a hobby to do full time or so, but nice to seem them both interested in trying to make it work.

This weekend, we took them to a neighbouring city for 2 days and it seems like they enjoyed themselves. We did learn a few things (e.g. they don't like looking too long for restaurants), and learned a bit more what they expect e.g. from guided tours.

They both have a big fascination of (tropical) fish (we went to a large aquarium), probably because they saw some fish they saw when snorkeling in Egypt. It made me wonder if they would be the type of people to care for an aquarium... but not sure about that yet...

[UtwigMU]

A bit reviving this thread...

My inlaws are recently retired, but they clearly do not know how to spend free time: my father-in-law just sits in front of TV, watching stupidities or flicking channels, my mother-in-law just gives herself more cleaning work. But they are still quite young - too young to be so passive. We are trying to find ways to activate them, but nothing seems to work. He has an interest in cars (these car restoration shows on tv are one of the more interesting thing he watches), but is not so good with fine skills (always wants to solve things by force rather than first thinking) and not very careful. We try to take them for some weekends somewhere, and then they seem to enjoy it, but they don't do such things by themselves. They don't go for walks (ok, they have a garden, but they rarely sit in it), visit places nor engage in other activities... It just seems sad... and they tend to work on each others nerves when they spend time like that.

Everything that seems to require a bit more effort (e.g. language lessons for English, which we suggested, so they can communicate with my parents) are "too difficult" and "they are too old". So we try to show them some places (nearby cities, ...), in the hope they may decide to do such things on their own, but so far no luck - if anything they are more expecting us to organise things for them.

Any ideas on how to try to engage them or give them something to do?

This is hard, I have similar case. The boomers were programmed to only do the obligatory work and once they're free, they can watch as much TV as they want. Thus when retire they only mostly watch TV which these days is pretty terrible. I too tried suggesting walks, gave a nice laptop that never gets turned on, etc... Maybe delegating them some easy tasks that involve walking would help.

Once we retire it will be brilliant. All the time to do retrogaming in nursing home.

[VJ]

This is hard, I have similar case. The boomers were programmed to only do the obligatory work and once they're free, they can watch as much TV as they want. Thus when retire they only mostly watch TV which these days is pretty terrible. I too tried suggesting walks, gave a nice laptop that never gets turned on, etc... Maybe delegating them some easy tasks that involve walking would help.

To improve on TV - particularly during COVID lockdowns, we got them netflix. And they have watched and enjoyed many series. So that is a positive. But for example her farther gets up around 8, switches on the TV, and if they don't have to work in the garden or go shopping, he can stay like that till he goes to sleep. Inbetween with her mother they can watch some better series thanks to the netflix, but otherwise it is nothing nice or interesting and he changes channels every couple of minutes "to see what else is on".

It was nice to see that on our weekend trip, the TV was not missed. And her father was most keen on getting a guide tour, or visiting something more (a bit to our surprise, we expected him to be more reluctant and her mother to be more open). The cider making thing was an attempt at getting them to do something else and is seems to have worked - after a slow start.

We are hoping to take them to yet another city soon (single day tip) and later my wife would take them for a few days somewhere else (she has a work meeting there, and just like last time she can take her parents by car - last time that went fine). We hope eventually that we can e.g. plan some trip for them, book the hotel and put them on a train. After having driving back on Saturday, I'm not sure I would want them to drive long distances on the highway: her father drives quite weird and her mother should have an eye operation but is afraid - we've been pushing for years now, hopefully this winter we'll succeed in her having it done.

Once we retire it will be brilliant. All the time to do retrogaming in nursing home.

Yes... We also don't get how you can just no know what to do with your time... although my parents also had it difficult with that when they retired, but it improved a lot.
They say youth is wasted on the young, but it seems like retirement is wasted on the old...

[Umfriend]

How about starting a board game club with some other local retirees? Bridge, Catan, Monopoly etc?

[VJ]

We tried boardgaming on Christmas and it ended in drama when he spilled wine over my wife's favourite game. Neither of her parents understood why that was a big deal, not understanding that a boardgame is not disposable like a simple deck of cards. They called out my wife as childish for being upset over the game - it was the full old version of Agricola, with all the big decks - which you cannot buy anymore. I managed to get replacement cards but they were already for the new version which was simplified (luckily the set from which the cards were damaged has not changed content-wise, just different graphics - it was the set of turn-cards); but my wife is not letting them near her boardgames... ever. They also clearly did not want to learn anything more tactical or so, every move they had to re-check if this is allowed or possible... I was not sure if this was joking or serious. Nothing beyond Qwirkle (and even here you often have to correct their moves), even Carcassone is already a step too far (counting the fields it too complicated). We are not aware of cardclubs in the vicinity: Poland still is quite weird when it comes to retired people; they are not expected to do many things besides sit at home so there is a lack of organised things. There are cultural centres, where things are organised, but her parents are so prejudiced about them that they won't go (we have gone to nice concerts and events, so it is there). And other things are not advertised. However, while we can walk to our closest centre, they always need to take a car and drive, which immediately makes it "too much effort" or "not worth it".

A problem is that they are quite young: my wife's mother is retired (but retirement age for women is at 60 here!), her father is not yet (he is 64), but stopped working and just rents out shop they used to run. When we suggest them to meet with friends, they seem reluctant, as if they don't really see the point of spending time with other people always finding excuses why those friends are weird or why they don't want to meet them (sadly, knowing those friends her parents often have a point). A few closer ones are much more active - so not available to meet - or still working, so that leaves them somewhat isolated. In general they don't seem to have many friends. But that would be the time for them to go places. Granted, there is the money issue, esp. in the current climate, so I can understand they don't want to spend too much on travels but there are plenty of things to do in the city or in other cities that are easy to reach.

[Umfriend]

Well, I tried.
If they have a garden, how about growing weed and shrooms and coast the days on their produce?

[VJ]

Well, I tried.
If they have a garden, how about growing weed and shrooms and coast the days on their produce?

I know... and I really appreciate you throwing suggestions our way. We also are not sure what more to try...

[Umfriend]

Another idea: Become active in politics!