Question for the MEN here

[Dogbert]

Gnep, the fact we were (hey, who am I kidding ? Are) geeks doesn't mean we did the right thing.

[GNEP]

Yes it does Dogbert. Didn't I read somewhere that the geeks shall inherit the earth?

No but seriously, I don't have many regrets about my schooldays. I did what I did because I am who I am, and of course I made some mistakes - everyone does. Just don't stew on them. And all of us have to do the discovery thing ourselves - no one else (not even close family) can do it for us.

[az]

14 year old girls aren't what they used to be - I'll be happy when my daughter doesn't talk about how blowjobs aren't sex when she's 14.

AZ

[Gurm]

Yeah, I'm extremely glad we had a son. I'll be even happier if the second one is ALSO a boy. *shudder* I don't wanna be the parent of a teenager.

- Gurm

[rubank]

Doggie wonders:

You're saying it's silly now, but what are you going to tell your 14 yo daughter when she isn't the most attractive girl in her class and the boys don't treat her that well ?

You tell her the truth:
among adults there is nothing lonlier than a blond sexbomb.

[Dogbert]

Originally posted by Gurm
Yeah, I'm extremely glad we had a son. I'll be even happier if the second one is ALSO a boy. *shudder* I don't wanna be the parent of a teenager.

- Gurm

If you finally have a girl, better keep that quote around till she's in her teens

[Pace]

yeah she needs to have nice cans and suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

I don't think there is a formula - I've saw many marriages where the couple seem compatible split up, and many you think - how are they still together?

For me, a man of the world (hmm...), it's about having a good companion. Having the same views is good, but you have to disagree somewhere. Same interests? I think not, I'll go to electronics shop and she can go to the 27th clothes shop of the day. Looks? I want a nice smile - and as Gurm said, she needs to get my jokes. If you make a lot of jokes, and the girl don't get them - it just don't work.

P.

[Novdid]

Well i'm 20 just like az, but it seems with a little less experience...

You can never say what you want in a girl. Because when you find someone you fancy, after a while you'll find out she doesn't fit into the description you gave in the first place at all.

[KvHagedorn]

Originally posted by az
14 year old girls aren't what they used to be - I'll be happy when my daughter doesn't talk about how blowjobs aren't sex when she's 14.

AZ

This was in "Clerks," and it was supposed to be a joke, but it's really too sad to be. "Oh, I was a virgin when I met you, I'd only given blowjobs to those 39 other men." And then there is the "Bi" brigade. Why is this a fashionable thing for junior hi girls to be? Too much porn out there to give them ideas? When you see your GF going down on some dyke and she says "oh I'm not cheating on you.. this is just one of the thousand women I've had sex with," yeah, this is fine for fantasy and if all you want from her is a cheap thrill, but this is not the way you want a girl you care for to act, whether you are her Dad or just the dumbass who fell for her.

[Dogbert]

About the "bi" brigade, this could also be because teenaged boys today are jerks in different ways that we've been.

Girls usually don't "kiss and tell". Girls (still) don't use all kinds of threats to make someone sleep with their friend(s) too.


This is kind of what this thread is for. How can you explain things to your teenaged girl, in a way that would make her feel much better about herself and help her socialising without becoming a slut ?
When you as her father tell her she's pretty, that boys are jerks, that character is more important etc etc bla bla bla she won't hear you. You're biased, you're her dad.

On the other hand, when other men say those same things, it's different. Ok, they're all on the internet so most of them are geeky dorks. Still, some of us here already have children, some pictures here show not-so-geeky people and since there are quite a few of us here, I'm sure most girls would find a few of us that are to her liking.
So when huys like us say out loud, or write in a forum that a long legged blond chick that looks like she came out of victoria's secret catalog is a nice toy for a few dates (or for life, who am I kidding here ? ) but eventually we marry the woman that makes us feel happy and good about ourselves, a woman that brings out the best in ourselves, that makes us better persons and that it's not because she's blonde (or whatever), tall or pretty, but because of her wits and compassion and sensitivity, that girl might look a little behond the image in her mirror, behind the clothes and accessories. She might even make a sacrifice and read a book just so enrich herself a little in a different way.

When you take a teenager kid who is surrounded by jerks and silly fashions and show him a brighter future, you just got yourself rid of a huge headache while making that kid happy and helping him / her aquiring the right tools to succeed and have this bright future.

[GNEP]

One thought sticks in my mind here: when you look around at people you have known for a long time, do you notice anymore whether or not they are attractive; whether one has a particular birthmark on their cheek; that someone has a broken nose?

I don't. I see them all as individual people, and each and every one of them is too much an individual in my head to be ascribed generic adjectives. So when looking for/realising you've got a long-term partner, as-measured-by-others attractiveness is no issue. But yes, in getting to the point where is ceases to be an issue it can be one. Kinda a catch-22.

Unfortunately none of this helps a 14-yo, who most definitely should not be looking for a long-term partner!

I may be naive in saying this, but I would say that socialising is more about friends than anything sexual. And so don't worry about looks.

The tried-and-tested alternative is of course to astound people with your wit and self-deprecating humour, so becoming the much-loved class clown.

It has been done in the past. And Dogbert, if this 14-yo is anything like you, wit should be no problem! (Note the sarcasm )

gnep

[KRSESQ]

Dogbert:

This isn't likely to be much help but I was in the same boat when I was 14. Short, "husky," geeky, trekkie, all the worst things for an individual in that social setting to be. The teasing was merciless.

There were plenty of cute girls I liked in my class, but they were all pining for the cute guys, the jocks, etc. and wouldn't give me the time of day.

My social circle included some of the "less-than-attractive" girls, who must have found guys like me non-threatening, "safe." Unfortunately, none of them wouldn't give me the time of day, either. "Just friends." You have any idea how much I hate those words?

In time, as we grew, things changed. The cute girls revealed what silly twits they were. The cute guys revealed what asses they were (some "populars" from my class ended up doing serious time for domestic assault). Meanwhile, us freaks and geeks matured, blossomed, found each other, and made successful, happy lives together.

My wife was in the same boat at 14. Short, incredibly skinny, long, lank hair, exema, and all the insecurities that went with it. Ad to the mix her best friend who was a cheerleading captain in high school, with a body and face that would stop a military convoy and start gang fights and a far sharper mind than anyone would expect in a bombshell, and way too nice to hate for it all.

Today that friend (we're still very close) is a successful college teacher, divorced, about 70 pounds overweight, struggling to raise an adopted son with ADHD and FAS. She is also a very lonely woman, although you'd never get her to admit that. She envies my wife so much because we've been together for 20 years without a single rift and because I've turned out to be one hella stud, compared to what I was back in the day, and because my wife's bum still rotates in a delightful figure-eight when she walks.

My point to all this, I guess, is that age 14 is no time to be making conclusions about the future quality of one's social life or physical appearance. Its like trying to judge a computer's vidcap ability while Windows is still installing (okay, I know its a lame analogy, but its the best I could come up with after sitting up half the night watching those damned meteors).

Kevin

[Lizzard[MPE]]

hmmm.. I'm joining this thread damnit,.even though it says Question for the MEN here.. OK nevermind .. i change my mind.. MEN is capitalized. i will sit back

[Technoid]

Originally posted by az
Transformers don't love. They connect.

AZ

Originally posted by ZokesPro


And when they look at porn, they are actually looking at a computer but without the case on!

AZ & Zokes just brought up one of my irritations with Transformer Fan fiction!

Transformers have no genders!

But as soon as someone writes a fan fiction they have them screwing as bunnies

I am not against the thought that a transformers could love another transformer but that should not automatically mean sex…..

One verry verrry ridicules story even involved childbirths and growing transformers…

[Technoid]

Originally posted by Lizzard[MPE]
hmmm.. I'm joining this thread damnit,.even though it says Question for the MEN here.. OK nevermind .. i change my mind.. MEN is capitalized. i will sit back

Chicken