Dumb users

[The PIT]

Or the other.

Helpdesk: What operating system are you using??
Dumb User: I don't know. How can I tell.
Helpdesk: Trying not to make dumb user seem thick. It normally tells you when it starts up it for example windows 98.
Dumb User: Oh yes Windows 96.
Helpdesk: Err nope theres no such such thing as Windows 96 can you reboot and tell us.
Dumb User rings back after they remember how to restart it. Windows XP.

[BuddMan]

Heh, there's an easier way of telling than just restarting. Of course the user has to be smart enough to do it--Start, Run, type in winver. Saves me a bunch of headaches, esp when they have Windows 97.

[Fat Tone]

Better yet, just click on Start and read the text up the left hand side. If you need more info, Windows key + break and there you go.

T.

[Technoid]

hm error descriptions:

"Dead" = starts windoes but won't open word

"Dead" = nothing wrong, the monitor is dead :-)

"There's a errormsg, please remove" = Fdd's need a disk to function

"won't start" = Dropped the computer while moving it, made sure that the hdd was dead by beating it repeatedly

"A game destroyed my hdd" = The computer reboted while he was playing a game, he managed to destroy the hdd physicaly while "troubleshooting" and also broke the game disc in half because it was its fault that he used excesive force on the hdd

"Nero doesent work" = has no cd nurner

"#¤%&@£$€" = more viruses than you can imagine

[The PIT]

Since they're so dumb that they can't remember the startup screen that they spent the last year looking at what chance have you got them finding run and typing winver.
By the way winver can tell you the wrong version. I'v ehad win98 thinking it was 95.
You can also right click on My Computer and choose properties and get the version.

[Fat Tone]

Oldie but goodie ...

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
".......Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"....... Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too ****ing stupid to own a computer."

[The PIT]

Old classic this one but does apply to a lot of users.

[Sethos]

My all time most hated computer question:

"Can you make my computer cooler..."

or

"Can you make my computer faster..."

The rest of both questions:

"...for free?"

My general answer:(that I wish to say)

"Well, yes in theory I could, but I really don't like you. In fact I find you to be most annoying, come back when you either have a) money, or b) a serious and interesting problem.

~Sethos

[efty]

you people are mean

I guess this is what you get when you have to work with them.

[Technoid]

well, yhey seem to think that a computer is like a TV
you start it and then it entertain you without you having to do anything!!

"The program 'MSDOS prompt" is broken!"
"what happens?"
"nothing the screen go black and then i have to turn off the computer and back to make it work again"
"doh"

[ZokesPro]

Customer: "When are you guys open till?"
Me: "We are open 24 hours a day, everyday."
Customer: "Oh, are you guys open on weekends?
Me" Sigh. Yes, we are open 24 hours a day EVERYDAY."
Customer "Oh ok! Are you open after 12?"
Me:

[ZokesPro]

Originally posted by efty
you people are mean

I guess this is what you get when you have to work with them.

You have no clue!!

The main problems with people these days is that they don't listen. You can do the same step 6 times in a row yet they still ask what to do next even though it's SO painfully obvious!

Most people don't care for learning and they expect the tech's to do everything for them. People are lazy and expect FAR too much it's sad really.

[Byock]

A manager walks into my office, and says "I removed alot of stuff from my HDD, but my computer doesn't seem any faster."

[Jon P. Inghram]

My dad just remarried, and when he moved his computer over to her house he asked me to move her emails over onto his computer since they were getting rid of her ancient PC. I became rather suspiscous when I couldn't find any any links to OE, and when I opened the normal email store folder, it was empty. I was like "How does she get her email?", and the answer was "With the internet program." Yes, he was in fact asking me to move her HOTMAIL account over the internet from one computer to the other... and the best part was, NEITHER ONE OF THEM knew the account or password to even log onto the dial-up connection. I don't know how they evenutally got it working, but I just told him "YOU can call the ISP, they get PAID to put up this kinda thing!"

[Byock]

Ok, this one took the cake for me. Lady calls and says whenever she clicks on a drop down menu, it freaks out, and scrolls through all the choices with out her doing anything and it is hard for her to pick one. This blew my mind, so I walked over to her desk.

She Clicks on the menu, and sure enough, it starts scrolling through the items!! Getting suspicious, I ask he to do it again, looking at her hand instead of the screen. As she is clicking she is scrolling the mouse wheel with her finger!

I take her hand off the mouse, and say click with one finger only. It works fine. Tell her, keep you hand OFF the wheel. She says "I wasn't touching it!" I told her, ok, call me if it happens again. She has never called back.