Love?

[Rags]

Re: Happy New Year

Originally posted by cbman
Well.

If she follows through with her threat she is leaving sometime this week.

She says she has had enough of living with someone who is never there and puts everything else first. That I will never change and that she doesn't even know why we got married in the first place.

Happy New Year I guess

Ouch, I know exactly how you feel. I went through nearly the same thing. It hurt then and had for sometime. Spent many nights feeling bad about it. Then I realized the only thing I lost was spending time being berated, lied to, and feeling guilty. With that gone, I am a whole different person with an entirely healthier attitude towards life.

Don't let it get you down, if she feels that way, shrug her off and do as she wishes. It's obvious fighting this 'woman' will get you nowhere.

Rags

[Alec]

Take it easy, cbman... don´t do nothing you can regret later on, it´s just the advice I can give you.

Happy new year nonetheless.

[cbman]

Time to drag this back

Ah well... its been most of a month since the last time I posted. Things are still in dissarray.

I told her my thoughs on the way things were going, straight out... no glossing over anything... she looked as though she had run into a brick wall... I felt horrible yet better at the same time.

Since then its been quite interesting. I guess you could say uncomfortable to say the least. But what I pretty much told her was that before we were married and living together we were friends, real good friends, but since we have been living together (even before being married) Things changed, her point of view had changed, she was looking at us from a different angle. I pretty much told her that if she wanted things to get better she had to think of us when we were just friends, I told her about what I did when we were together and what I did when I was not with her.

I don't think she realized just how suffocating she was being. Instead of not being able to wait to hardly see her next I pretty much needed to get out to get a "breather". I have alway been a pretty solitary person.. lots of friends.. but I liked spending time by myself, reading a good book... or just sitting at a coffee shop... having a drink, reading the paper.. and relaxing.

I don't think she knew just how wound up I was getting.

She knows now and I guess she is trying to deal with it.. I can tell that she really is having a hard time. But that is what it means to be in a relationship... give and take... I just hit a point where I realized I had no "space," I never thought I could understand why people who broke up said that they just needed space. I can understand now what they feel.

And about that friend that was part of the original predicament... its hard to say, we are still very very close but it feels like we have come to a fork in the path of our friendship. I don't know if anyone would know what I am talking about.. but there are two paths ahead of us and instead of making a decision we decided to set up camp and wait.

I still have no true idea of the depths of her feelings for me... I do know that she knows how I feel... because I told her as much, honestly and outright. She hasn't become defensive about it and she hasn't reacted negatively about it either. I wish I knew how she felt though... but if I did... would I be able to sleep at night... probably not... if she did like me as I like her... would I be able to repair my marrige... if she didn't like me as I like her... would I be able to ever be comfortable around her again...

It matters not though for the moment... close friends we remain and not having to walk down a path seems to be the best choice.

Other than that... I guess its only going to take more time... to find out where things lead.

[Bohrn]

keep the camp at the fork of the road, but make a descison soon, as you are not getting any younger.

[RedRed]

I am with Bohrn on the first part here.... camp on it

Take as long as it takes.... If your marriage doesnt work and it looks like divorce..... ANY close relationship will get you screwed in the settlement. If you patch things up, you dont want to have your own guilt added to the burden (I have been to the edge and looked down..... I stepped back, got back with my girl... 9 years later, we have 2 kids and are happy..... I could have screwed it BIG time!) Your are still young... you can give it a year to see....

Dont have kids to try and fix things though.... that WONT work... our are 20 Months and 6 weeks this happened 9 years ago!)


Regards
RedRed

[cbman]

I have lost it all.

Sigh.. Back to just me I guess.

[Wombat]

From what you told us, I'd say that's a good thing. Things only get better from here cb. But whatever you do, <B>don't</B> rebound. 90% of the time it's awful, and the other 10% are good enough that they will wait for things to settle for you.

[KvHagedorn]

I feel for you CB.. it's not easy when things turn out all messed up.. different than you imagined they'd be. Rob's right though, better to spend some time alone for now. If you run to your other friend, it just won't be right. Be alone and gain some perspective. After awhile she might initiate contact, which would be far far better. It's a good thing you feel comfortable being solitary sometimes, because if for now you could work it out alone, you're gonna learn and grow from this. Best of luck to you, buddy.

[Bohrn]

he says he lost it all. I have a feeling that means his freind as well. I hope not. He needs a friend right now.

Aside from the friends he has here.

Best of luck. I know it will get better from here on in.

John

[cbman]

Bohrn has the right of it.

I have what's left... meaning me.

I guess its time to look up all my old pals I lost contact with over the course of the past two years... You never know.. maybe it could work out for the better.

Oh and I am definately not feeling sorry for myself.. I wont' allow it.

[Greebe]

Oh and I am definately not feeling sorry for myself.. I wont' allow it.

GOOD to hear it!

[cbman]

Of Course that still doesn't mean that I am not feelin it...

Maybe when I get some time I will fill in the conclusion... not that most likely care... its just sad.

But hey its like one of the last lines that the "friend" said to me.

Life is Learning. No matter what happens... Life is Learning.

[Bohrn]

In this case the cost of that knowledge is very high, so make sure you use it.

best of luck pal

Canada Kicks ASS !!

[cbman]

That's for damn sure... we may have alot of problems with the way some of our institutions are run (Eg the Military)

But all in all... I have and will always be Canadian

Canada does kick A$$!!

Now if only people could figure out what the hell is going on with our dollar... it has even the most knowledgeable economy experts baffled...

[Bohrn]

IMHO its one of 2 things.

1.) all the bright colours confuse everyone.

2.) it has an identity crisis. the new bills all look like they are from Singapore or Thailand or somewhere