Another Jewish joke

[Drizzt]

Dogbert, I can understand most of them...the problem for me is that in the surround where I live, we are xenophobist for tradition, so our jokes and humors are really "strong and bad".

Don't misunderstand, however, it's as I said only TRADITION so we are really joking and at in the end we live in a really cosmopolitan place.


(just to make a better explanation: Italy is always been a fragmented place since much centuries before we became a nation.

Each city -and I mean "city" each place with more than 10 inhabitants- had a strong indipendent feeling, always in fight with the surroundings cities.
My region, more than others, was really full of those cities...so we love today to have caustic jokes to use for verbal fights with our neighboroods )

(I dunno how many others, but I have meet my best friends always starting with an insult fight )

[cjolley]

Originally posted by Dogbert
The problem with most 'jewish' humor is that it's very Armericanised.

It's mostly American English with a Jewish Brooklin accent a-la Bugs Bunny with some words in Yiddish here and there.

This you call a problem?
You should be so lucky!
Chuck

[Drizzt]

Q: What's the difference between a rich hebrew and a poor hebrew?
A: The poor hebrew has to wash his Mercedes by himself.


(this is the only one I can tell without being fired from the forum )

[VJ]

Hmm, could it be that Dogbert is no longer at work ?
(no more jokes...)


Jörg

[Dogbert]

Right, I'm home now.

Next week I'll have to really work though. Sheesh, not only I have to go there and stay for 9(!) hours, now I'm supposed to actually work !?

[VJ]

Yes! I guessed correctly!

Well Dogbert, if it is any consollation (I always seem to spell this word wrong) : you're not the only one...


Jörg

[Jammrock]

What a strange person...

Okay, I got a silly, but someowhat humorous (to me at least) little Mormon joke:

A Mormon Bishop invited the local Jewish Rabbi and Catholic Priest out to a nearby lake to go fishing with his son. On the appointed morning they all met up at the Bishop's house and drove out to a beautiful mountian lake on the Utah/Colorado border.

They hopped on the Bishop's fishing boat and cast off. After an hour with no luck catching fish, the Bishop asked his son to head to shore and grab some snacks, since everyone seemed to be pretty hungry. The Bishop's Son jumped out of the boat, walked across the lake, grabbed the snacks and came back to boat.

The Priest and the Rabbi looked at each other, shrugged and ate the snacks. Another hour passed and they group ran out drinks and the Bishop asked his son to go to shore and grab some more. Once again he jumped out of the boat, walked across the lake, grabbed the drinks and walked back to the boat.

This time the Priest was feeling a bit outdone and decided to show his faith, so he jumped out of the boat and instantly sank into the lake. Feeling somewhat ashamed, he bagan swimming to shore. The Rabbi, now feeling a bit squimish, shrugged and took his chances on the lake. He too instantly fell into the lake and began swimming to shore.

The Bishop and his son looked at each other curiously. After a while of watching the two swimming the son asked, "do you think we should have told them about the stepping stones, Dad?"

Jammrock

[Jammrock]

Jammrock's crappy jokes, part II

A Religious Paradox:

When you pray, you are considered talking to [a] God.

When God talks back, you are considered schizophrenic.

Does this mean our insane assylums are filled with prophets?

Jammrock

[SpiralDragon]

somebody stop him befor he hurts himself.... ... Dogobert i would like to share some of our local jokes that bare a similar resemblance only based on a "Orthodox" Beiruty charachter... only thing is i am not good at telling jokes and the translation would be lost especialy since it involves a certain lebanese dialect..... .... there is one about mobile phones and pigions.....

[dZeus]

Re: Jammrock's crappy jokes, part II

Originally posted by Jammrock
A Religious Paradox:

When you pray, you are considered talking to [a] God.

When God talks back, you are considered schizophrenic.

Does this mean our insane assylums are filled with prophets?

Jammrock

or...... are all people who sincerely think/thought they are/were a prophet actually schizophrenic?

[UtwigMU]

I know a few.
I've heard the telephone, fibre and cellular joke in different nations context

Moses comes down from the mountain.
- I have good news and bad news.
- Give us the good news first.
- I got him down to 10 ...
- but adultery is still in it.

[Dogbert]

[SpiralDragon]

lol...

here is the one i was talking about.. but dont blame me for my in ability to tell a joke...

Abou il Abed relises that his mobile phone bill is getting out of hand so he consults his best budy and naibour abou staif whom tells him to drop the phone and start meseging with pigions in stead... the next day a pigion lands at abou staif's window and has a small pice of paper atached to it ... abou staif takes the paper but it turns out to be blank... he is so confused that he calls abou il abed

AS: you are suposed to write somthing on the paper...

AiA: you idiot ... i was miss calling you...

(miss calling is when you call someones cell phone and hang up so your tell # registers on thier phone and they know that you need to talk to them or see them... it is a widly used practic here in lebanon as a way to keep the bills down)

[Dogbert]

The President of the United States and the Jews

The President was dismayed by the errors being made by the CIA and the FBI.
He called in the directors and asked, "How come Israel knows things we don't know? How come the Jews here in the US know things we don't know?"
Louis Freeh, the FBI director, called in Moe Katz, an undercover agent, and he told the President, "We have a code. We ask 'Vos tutzich?' (What's happening?) and we share information."
The President orders a Chassidic disguise. He puts on a caftan and shtreimel, a beard with payess and scuffed black shoes. They secretly fly him into McGuire AFB in New Jersey on a Stealth Fighter. They then smuggle him in an old dented station wagon with an elderly Hassidic driver to Boro Park in Brooklyn, where he is dropped off on a corner. The President approaches a man dressed similarly and asks, "Vos tutzich?"
"Shhhh", the man replies. "The President is in Brooklyn."

[Dogbert]

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, wrestlers, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit came in and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "OK," grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter turned to silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender pays the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?"
The man replied, "I'm a fund raiser for the United Jewish Appeal.